There was one thing we didn't get prepared for at home - the cultural shock awaited us upon our arrival.
The thing is, I admit, we were a little smug about our wisdom on America. In some respect, of course, we can be proud of the knowledge we gathered about this country: its politics, its history, its greatest pieces of literature, its current social problems. Back home, I was confident that I would be a most welcomed guest in any intelligentsia dinner - the polite, smart person with great manners from an exotic Central European country. Who would resist my charm? We never thought for a moment that we would need any more than that to get fit to this country.
However, all these knowledge didn't get us spared from the cultural shock. When it arrived, it forced me to the recognition how deeply the USA is a different culture compared to Europe - an idea that never occurred to me during my almost half a year of preparation. 'Well, sure it's a little bit different, but after all the USA is deeply rooted in Europe in so many ways, right?' Wrong. It roots as much in Europe as in a million other culture (you know, melting pot) and understanding the far-away roots won't help much in understanding the present, anyway.
Looking back at that subconscious presumption of mine, it seems to be a ridiculously Europe-centered attitude that got a slap from westward. What an irony.
So, the project is adapting. And adapting to a completely new set of cultural codes are demanding, frustrating and disorienting, hence you are experiencing the symptoms of the cultural shock. (The honeymoon phase has never reached me, but thankfully it reached Dave, keeping me, too, up at the beginning.)
And it's a horrible feeling. You are your worst self, criticizing everything around you, people and objects (why can't I get things like at home?), you are extremely irritable, throw a tantrum over every little nuance. You are like you've never been before, and got even more irritated over that fact.
We fought against it. I knew it was an initial phase, we would get over this awful time. I've read articles on how to deal with such feelings the most efficient ways, and yes, both of us have had experience with anxiety, depression, frustration, anger from our past (who doesn't?) - and what to do when symptoms are coming.
And then, one day, I come up with an idea - let's put a list together what we like in this country. The things we have experienced here first hand and found valuable, that are better than at home. (I wanted to stop ourselves from reaching the frustration level of an average Trump-voter, and it was also a great exercise to focus our brain on what is good, instead of what is different.)
This is the story of how this list was born. It's a little mundane and shallow in my eyes but came alive in the middle of this emotional battle, therefore extremely valuable.
It would be fun to compare this list to one I would write at the end of our stay.
List of TOP 10 best thing in the States
10. Free calls and texts
Yes, this is the country where calling someone on the phone has basically no cost. Same applies to texts. The US has a long history of super low prices on talking to each other over the phone.
No matter which plan you choose at your phone-service company, it will contain free texts and free phone calls throughout the whole country, and with some plans, even beyond (including free calls and text to Mexico and Canada). You can call a cell phone, or landline, anywhere from Oregon to Rhode Island, and talk hours and hours for the same price. Basically, the factor that varies the fee is the size of your internet plan, rather than anything else.
Maybe I shouldn't be so stunned over this fact, given that the United States is one country, after all.
But, in some respect, the EU also seems like one country - especially from this distance. Just to give a few example, in the EU, there are no customs (which usually exist between countries), there are no borders (even if Schengen is a little shaky right now), people are free to travel and work all across lawfully - ask any illegal migrant in the USA how that is generally regulated between different countries.
Yet, in the history of 60 years' economic partnership of the EU they didn't manage to cease the roaming as an institution - not even mentioning the free calls throughout Europe. The more I get used to calling everything and everyone for free, the more the European systems seems to be an anachronistic relic.
9. The desserts
The brownie, the cookie, the New York cheesecake - just to name a few of the most famous ones, all originated from this country. And that's just the top of the iceberg. They are rich and delicious, definitely not helping if you are on a diet, and greatly comforting if you have a bad mood. As autumn is coming, southern lifestyle magazines are full of recipes containing apple, pumpkin, chocolate, pears, whipped cream, almonds, caramel. And they all taste divine. My first homemade dessert was a Pumpkin-Chocolate brownie - there were some plans to take a photo of it, but we never really had a chance (but I sware mine looked exactly like this).
8. No more fear of parking
Everything is so spacious, that finding a place to park comfortably is not an issue. Parking lots in front of shopping malls have such an amount of place that you can navigate as if you were sitting in a bumper car instead of a real one. Even the size of one parking lot is bigger - set in a way that it is comfortable for an SUV. Most businesses have a dedicated parking lot - restaurants, laundries, libraries, universities, schools, just to name a few. Every single home has a place to put your vehicle. And even if you need to go to a business with no private parking - there's still a plenty of place in the road.
7. Midwestern courtesy
One of the most important cultural codes in Missouri and in nearby states is the so-called midwestern courtesy. This is in between the Southern hospitality and the Northern attitude. Completely unknown people in the street would look you in the eye, smile and say 'Hi, how are ya doing?'. Well, those who greet you this way will just continue walking on the street, they don't really expect any answer from you - and would seem troubled when you actually stop and start a conversation. After we get used to the fact that complete strangers keep us asking how are we doing without expecting an answer, we are now delighted by this warm habit. No matter how bad a day, someone will look and smile at me.
6. Being service-minded
I remember to keep hearing from people who have frequently visited the States how the service culture is different to the one of Europe - and especially, to the Hungarian. Well, those people were right.
Anyone who provides you with a service is diligent till the Moon and back. Waiters in restaurants keep asking if everything is all right with a frequency that is almost troubling. Uber drivers provide you with free bottles of water, candy and hand sanitizers. Cashiers in the shops have a neverending smile in their faces - and they pack your stuff into bags! If you call a company as a client, shining voices will have such a polite conversation with you as if the two of you were at a reception held in your honor. You can play dull (or being dull) and keep asking the same thing over and over, and they don't loose their patience. You can't a request anything that wouldn't be possible. Car dealers call you back two days after your visit, or text you at 9 pm, to inform they just had a similar car you were searching for. (Yeah, I know they just want to sell the car and all the others try to maximize their gain on me, but these kind of things are still just not happening in Hungary, where also everyone wants to gain on me.)
And this mentality doesn't stop at the border of business life.
I experienced the same with government administration in different levels. People in federal or state offices are nice and earnest, polite and calm - something refreshingly different from my recent Hungarian experience. The ladies in the local public library are living marshmallows, and I had a very similar experience at the town hall.
People in the US really take service seriously, and they feel truly honored meanwhile doing so. I think the greatest embodiment of this attitude is the famous line in Kennedy's inaugural address. (This sentence not only made the job of writing an inaugural speech ever more challenging, also required its place in the fame of hall of speeches.)
--TO BE CONTINUED --
Photos by: www.socialdailynews.com and my sweetheart
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