TOP 10 best thing in the States (after a month) - part 1.

There was one thing we didn't get prepared for at home - the cultural shock awaited us upon our arrival. 

The thing is, I admit, we were a little smug about our wisdom on America. In some respect, of course, we can be proud of the knowledge we gathered about this country: its politics, its history, its greatest pieces of literature, its current social problems. Back home, I was confident that I would be a most welcomed guest in any intelligentsia dinner - the polite, smart person with great manners from an exotic Central European country. Who would resist my charm? We never thought for a moment that we would need any more than that to get fit to this country. 

However, all these knowledge didn't get us spared from the cultural shock. When it arrived, it forced me to the recognition how deeply the USA is a different culture compared to Europe - an idea that never occurred to me during my almost half a year of preparation. 'Well, sure it's a little bit different, but after all the USA is deeply rooted in Europe in so many ways, right?'  Wrong. It roots as much in Europe as in a million other culture (you know, melting pot) and understanding the far-away roots won't help much in understanding the present, anyway.

Looking back at that subconscious presumption of mine, it seems to be a ridiculously Europe-centered attitude that got a slap from westward. What an irony.

So, the project is adapting. And adapting to a completely new set of cultural codes are demanding, frustrating and disorienting, hence you are experiencing the symptoms of the cultural shock. (The honeymoon phase has never reached me, but thankfully it reached Dave, keeping me, too, up at the beginning.)

And it's a horrible feeling. You are your worst self, criticizing everything around you, people and objects (why can't I get things like at home?), you are extremely irritable, throw a tantrum over every little nuance. You are like you've never been before, and got even more irritated over that fact.  

We fought against it. I knew it was an initial phase, we would get over this awful time. I've read articles on how to deal with such feelings the most efficient ways, and yes, both of us have had experience with anxiety, depression, frustration, anger from our past (who doesn't?) - and what to do when symptoms are coming. 

And then, one day, I come up with an idea - let's put a list together what we like in this country. The things we have experienced here first hand and found valuable, that are better than at home. (I wanted to stop ourselves from reaching the frustration level of an average Trump-voter, and it was also a great exercise to focus our brain on what is good, instead of what is different.) 

This is the story of how this list was born. It's a little mundane and shallow in my eyes but came alive in the middle of this emotional battle, therefore extremely valuable.

It would be fun to compare this list to one I would write at the end of our stay. 

List of TOP 10 best thing in the States

10. Free calls and texts

Yes, this is the country where calling someone on the phone has basically no cost. Same applies to texts. The US has a long history of super low prices on talking to each other over the phone.

No matter which plan you choose at your phone-service company, it will contain free texts and free phone calls throughout the whole country, and with some plans, even beyond (including free calls and text to Mexico and Canada). You can call a cell phone, or landline, anywhere from Oregon to Rhode Island, and talk hours and hours for the same price. Basically, the factor that varies the fee is the size of your internet plan, rather than anything else.

Maybe I shouldn't be so stunned over this fact, given that the United States is one country, after all.

But, in some respect, the EU also seems like one country - especially from this distance. Just to give a few example, in the EU, there are no customs (which usually exist between countries), there are no borders (even if Schengen is a little shaky right now), people are free to travel and work all across lawfully - ask any illegal migrant in the USA how that is generally regulated between different countries.

Yet, in the history of 60 years' economic partnership of the EU they didn't manage to cease the roaming as an institution - not even mentioning the free calls throughout Europe. The more I get used to calling everything and everyone for free, the more the European systems seems to be an anachronistic relic.

9. The desserts

The brownie, the cookie, the New York cheesecake - just to name a few of the most famous ones, all originated from this country. And that's just the top of the iceberg. They are rich and delicious, definitely not helping if you are on a diet, and greatly comforting if you have a bad mood.  As autumn is coming, southern lifestyle magazines are full of recipes containing apple, pumpkin, chocolate, pears, whipped cream, almonds, caramel. And they all taste divine. My first homemade dessert was a Pumpkin-Chocolate brownie - there were some plans to take a photo of it, but we never really had a chance (but I sware mine looked exactly like this).

8. No more fear of parking

Everything is so spacious, that finding a place to park comfortably is not an issue. Parking lots in front of shopping malls have such an amount of place that you can navigate as if you were sitting in a bumper car instead of a real one. Even the size of one parking lot is bigger  -  set in a way that it is comfortable for an SUV. Most businesses have a dedicated parking lot - restaurants, laundries, libraries, universities, schools, just to name a few. Every single home has a place to put your vehicle. And even if you need to go to a business with no private parking - there's still a plenty of place in the road.

7. Midwestern courtesy 

One of the most important cultural codes in Missouri and in nearby states is the so-called midwestern courtesy. This is in between the Southern hospitality and the Northern attitude. Completely unknown people in the street would look you in the eye, smile and say 'Hi, how are ya doing?'. Well, those who greet you this way will just continue walking on the street, they don't really expect any answer from you - and would seem troubled when you actually stop and start a conversation. After we get used to the fact that complete strangers keep us asking how are we doing without expecting an answer, we are now delighted by this warm habit. No matter how bad a day, someone will look and smile at me.

6. Being service-minded

I remember to keep hearing from people who have frequently visited the States how the service culture is different to the one of Europe - and especially, to the Hungarian. Well, those people were right.

Anyone who provides you with a service is diligent till the Moon and back. Waiters in restaurants keep asking if everything is all right with a frequency that is almost troubling. Uber drivers provide you with free bottles of water, candy and hand sanitizers. Cashiers in the shops have a neverending smile in their faces - and they pack your stuff into bags! If you call a company as a client, shining voices will have such a polite conversation with you as if the two of you were at a reception held in your honor. You can play dull (or being dull) and keep asking the same thing over and over, and they don't loose their patience. You can't a request anything that wouldn't be possible. Car dealers call you back two days after your visit, or text you at 9 pm, to inform they just had a similar car you were searching for. (Yeah, I know they just want to sell the car and all the others try to maximize their gain on me, but these kind of things are still just not happening in Hungary, where also everyone wants to gain on me.)

And this mentality doesn't stop at the border of business life.

I experienced the same with government administration in different levels. People in federal or state offices are nice and earnest, polite and calm - something refreshingly different from my recent Hungarian experience. The ladies in the local public library are living marshmallows, and I had a very similar experience at the town hall.

People in the US really take service seriously, and they feel truly honored meanwhile doing so. I think the greatest embodiment of this attitude is the famous line in Kennedy's inaugural address. (This sentence not only made the job of writing an inaugural speech ever more challenging, also required its place in the fame of hall of speeches.)

                                                       --TO BE CONTINUED --

Photos by: www.socialdailynews.com and my sweetheart

Preparations

So, getting ready for moving comes with certain tasks. Especially when you move to another continent. And boy, you'd rather do it thoroughly. I am not new to this kind of business, I once went to live in Brussels. Dawe has gained similar experience as well by moving to Istanbul previously. So by now we are pretty confident to say that moving to a distant country  is a very similar process as to preparing for death. 

We started to get our things settled in our home country. And it was a surprisingly big amount of work that finally eat up 2-3 months before we left. I am confident to say that my life was quite organized anyway, yet I spent at least 2-3 week net mostly on the process. And this was exclusively only closing down all our things/issues we would leave behind. Basically, this was the time I was behind schedule and the things that should have been done earlier.

The preparation in itself was quite a worthy experience, and it is also a very nice red flag about not wishing sudden death for myself ever.

I think it's safe to say that most of us live under piles of undone tasks, and from time to time it is very nice to slow down and focus on closing up. Get your medical checks. Reduce the number of things you have. Update, refresh, shred, repair. Even if you are not really moving - your life will be much easier after that experience.

So I started with the physical things. I lived in an apartment with my husband and the challenge was to get everything reduced to 23 kg (two times) - the size of our luggage to the USA.

I realized how much unnecessary stuff we have accumulated since - well since I don't know when. How I am surrounded by things that I don't really use or prefer, but happened to be around. Clothes I don't really wear and books I've read and probably won't do again anytime soon. Files that are not relevant anymore. Not to mention the digital clutter one accumulates over the years. Terrabytes of documents I haven't opened or read. Tons of pictures about the very same sunset from 2 years ago. The docs you need to scan and the ones you need to delete.

And the physical part of getting ready means more than just sorting out various objects in the apartment. It also means the repairment to do in the flat before you pass it on. To paint that ugly coffee spot in the wall and finally call the plumber to repair the tap in the kitchen.

Most important part of the material dimension is, of course, your very body - and the zillion medical examination to which you go before moving to a country with bad health care reputation.

I also purchased a smaller pharmacy to get prepared for everything - so now I feel supplied to conduct an open bypass operation on Dawe if he happens to have a heart attack.

And as you move the things in the outside, your inside reflects upon it. You assess what you've done good or bad in your friendships and to your loved ones. You try to make it up for the mistakes.

Both Dawe and I agreed that our adventure should not give the impression that we burn our bridges behind us. Instead, we want our friends and family to feel that the bridge is there  - so they can cross it whenever they need support or fun or anything. That we are available and ready to help. And so we can cross it back as well anytime we need them. They will form a social net underneath us and stop us falling into a black hole of emotions.

Understanding the importance of our social net became especially profound, as in the weeks leading up to our move we realized that our social life will inevitably change. I know that distance is going to have its toll on my relationships in some way, we cannot block that out.

Additionally, I am also quite aware that by the time we're back, almost nothing in our life will be the same. We cannot continue where we left. And the reason of that is just partly because our friends and family might change. It is true, they might. Some of them will and some of them won't. But we will certainly change as well. That other country will turn us to someone else, someone we don't know yet. Someone that our friends and family don't know yet. Better to get prepared at the beginning - consider this as a disclaimer :)

After all, - besides the obvious optimistic reasons- that's the point of the whole moving: to discover that piece of ourselves which is not yet an integrated part. To meet and embrace the fears, anxiety and all those less fancy parts. And only that other country will bring up these inner shadows to the surface.

In the meanwhile of this thinking, you realize how little is enough to start freshly somewhere else: it takes 23 kg. 

(Or 50.7 pounds as we left the SI universe behind as well).

Photo: Aer Lingus